Sex With Superheroes

I wrote this for a magazine that was asking for lists of weird and esoteric thoughts. They, of course, rejected this outright.

This is just a brief guide to what to expect if you could have a relationship with certain comic book characters:

Superman – he is the Man of Steel; however, he is also faster than a speeding bullet

Batman – in good shape, but he would be selfish in bed; has to have all of those gadgets with him

Spider-Man – does whatever a spider can; could be creative with those web shooters

Wonder Woman – some bondage involved (with that rope, a lot of truth telling); interesting wardrobe, as well

Aquaman – comfortable in and out of the water (better stick to late-night romances in the pool, Jacuzzi or nearest lake or river; lubrication is important)

The Flash – far too fast; you’d never notice

Daredevil – extra sensitive with his other heightened senses (and he is The Man without Fear)

The Green Lantern – man in a mask with matching jewellery (draw your own conclusions, ladies)

The X-Men – an Uncanny group; they would be mostly generous about giving pleasure, especially Wolverine (Rogue might be a challenge)

The Fantastic Four – A married couple and two other men (one who keeps yelling “Flame On!” and the other one is called The Thing): kinky!