Second Thoughts on a Second Skin

This will be a little chat about condoms, so I will try to bring a mature and sensitive voice to the following:

Sausage Wrappers have been around for just over two centuries, not quite as long as men and women have wanted to have them around, but long enough for a certain generation to avoid the responsibility imposed by unwanted pregnancies, proactive diseases and soon-to-be-less-than-attractive overnight partners. Sheep placentas were the first Meat Cocoons available; soon, modern technology began its long and intrusive interest in sex and reproduction. The new age of Rubber Rod Retainers began in earnest at the beginning of the twentieth century. This coincided with the appearance of the automobile, bobbed hair, short(er) skirts, the Jazz Age, bathtub gin, and a general sense of freedom that comes after surviving a world war and lethal pandemic; may as well have some fun while you can.

The Age of Aquarius – okay, that era from 1964 to 1973 – disowned most of the responsibility created by their parents and avoided Plastic Penis Packers for an ethos of free love, long hair, drug use and uncensored promiscuity. It was called The Sexual Revolution, a battle which left the bacilli victorious. By the eighties, disease became the main concern of any sexual partner who wanted to protect themselves and others with a Shrink-To-Fit Coat. The times changed and protection remained the same.

Or did it? From the names of these Synthetic Semen Stoppers, you could conclude that they are very pertinent and relevant to an age of determined and demanding consumers. First, there is Trojan. Yes, it is dated, but this is a rather wise choice of a name. It makes you think of not only a horse but also hidden danger. Then there is Lifestyles. Rather bland, but the specific brand names do speak of the possibilities available to lucky users. “Peace and Love,” “Natural Feeling” and – no pressure here – “Endurance” all speak for themselves. One of the oldest names in the business, Durex, still sounds like a planet Captain Kirk and his crew could have visited while boldly going where no one had gone before.

Then there are the Naughty Raincoats of other countries. The Japanese believe that men with large noses are also well-endowed below the waist. There is one company that goes so far as to put a large nose on specific boxes meant for the well-overhung. These particular Snake Jackets come with names like Jellia Coat and Honey, and they should not be used by wishful thinkers.

There is still the difficulty faced in buying some of these Boner Baggies with a straight face. The local drugstore seems far too hygienic and clean for a purchase. You should head out to the specialty shops, restrooms with the right vending machines, university/college campuses, and particular conferences and seminars (Montreal, Quebec's Salon de l’Amour et Seduction is always a good bet). The goods may be in our public eye, but not quite yet in our discourse. However, it seems that most sexually active people know what they want and how to get it. It may even be possible for men to buy a Baby Blocker without embarrassment.

But do they know not to call it a “rubber?”