I was going to put this under another "How Not to Kill..." section, but I think it stands out on its own. That roommate I mentioned is in New York for the weekend, but I was not sure about this until one of my other roommates said that she wanted him to be gone for at least a week. There was also the added problem of him taking me off his Facebook list (no problem there; I was going to do so anyway).
Was it a friendship? Not really. I know, by now, what a friendship involves. It must involve sacrifice, some flexibility, understanding and sensitivity. Our relationship failed on all four points. He wanted others to sacrifice their time and patience for him; he was not flexible on how to deal with a guest he invited to a stranger's party; he never understood when he was taking things to far; and I guess all three complaints cover the issue of just how sensitive he could be.
I know why people say that it is family first, everyone else second. I envy the people who somehow balance the two. I am not sure if I can do that. I go out with a few people, but no one is ever too close. It is hard for me to do things with others if I feel that I am being nudged - pushed? - into doing something that I just rebel against emotionally. Yes, I am a loner; I have to be. I would not have passed my course, written the work I have written, travelled the way I have, if I had been too close to anyone. A terrible thing to say, but the truth is sometimes unforgiving.
So, I guess I do need to start something else. A move would be nice; more money would be nicer. There are no new messages from any of the places that I have contacted, but I cannot give up on the chance of getting my life on a different track.
Time to move...
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Yeah, I can take it...